Blogging and Answers to Your Questions
The statistics of young adults who are living at home without careers or jobs is only going to get worse over the next few months as layoffs occur and businesses close. Even before these economic times, one third of all 18-34 year olds were living at home and half of all graduating college seniors were going home to live with their parents. In order to help more parents on a larger scale, I am going to start blogging weekly to help parents return to parenting their young adults and get them to independence. Some parents enjoy their adult children living with them and that is fine. But the growing problem is that these adult children are not focused on work and careers and financial independence. I welcome questions to find out what are the most pressing issues. The bottom line is that college is not the answer. It should only be tool to a career program and parents should be helping network their young adults into the work world. I am here to help reach more to have success even in this difficult time. Welcome!
June 9th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I have a daughter who was away at college (she blew the first two years). Now she’s back home and is take general studies at a local community college to improve her GPA. She’s not trying to find a job, stating that she can’t find one. Well, I never see her looking. I’m frustrated and I’m tired. I want her out! She has no place to go to live. She’s stubborn, and only wants to do what she wants to do. Because I refuse to allow her to have that dorm room lifestyle here at my house we go head to head often. I don’t feel that I should have to argue with someone who thinks they are as grown as I am (if she was she’d have her own place in her name instead of living here), and who doesn’t take on the responsibilities that she should around the house. She goes to class, comes home, takes a nap, eats and then sleeps some more. How lazy is that! I’m always talking to her about us having an adult to adult relationship, but how can we when we’re arguing all the time about her untidy habits. I need help!
Sincerely,
Tired and Fed Up
June 10th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Dear Tired,
Time for college to end. She had her chance. The only college she needs is one that gives her a certificate for a job, like cosmotology, medical assistant, fire fighter, etc. Those are available at many community colleges and more can be found in vocational colleges. She doesn’t need to go to four year degree colleges at this point and she won’t be any better prepared than she is now. If she is undecided on a vocation, she needs to work. I know very few young adults who can find jobs on their own. The vast majority need parental help to write the resume, find the job, and go and do the interview. There are jobs out there. If you are supporting her, it must stop unless she does her part of the bargain. No more cell phone, T.V., car, or gas unless you agree to a game plan. It also means that you must calm down and simply state the new order of things. This is the grown up world and expect if of her. It means help her with the resume or find someone else to look it over, look at Craig’s List and apply for a set number of jobs daily, and present proof of the company receiving the application. Good places for entry level jobs are in the restauant and hotel sector, hospital sector, retail, and temp agencies including nanny placement and tutoring. Cities and the travel industry all have postings on the internet. If she likes a company, apply. Two part time jobs is the goal if she can’t find a full time job. No entry level job is off the table, waitress, housekeeping, senior care, are all good places to develop job skills. This has to be the two of you doing this even if it means sitting beside her at the computer. Her reward is the support you are giving her, otherwise, cut them off. I’ve even advised parents to empty the bedroom and let them sleep on the sofa. Don’t do this yelling and screaming, state it matter of fact. “I’m so sorry, but unless I see work on your part I can no longer pay for your cell phone, car, etc.” She does her part, you do your part.
For more ideas on how to relate adult to adult and how to help her find her footing, you can purchase my book on the “purchase” page of the website. Good luck and prepare for the process. In the long run, she will be better prepared for life.