Life After Graduation
I’m a bit late in posting this blog because I spent the last half of May attending my oldest son, Adam’s, college graduation and moving my youngest son, Richard, home from college. Whew! As Richard and I went to take our chairs at Adam’s graduation, a mother and her elemenatry school daughter walked in front of us. The mother turned to her daughter and said, “Sis is graduating. Now what are we going to do with her?” Richard and I looked at each other and laughed. Richard said,
“With the help of Kidsoutnow, she might get a job!” Sadly, I see adult children living at home from last year without jobs or any idea of how to get one. Adult children boomerang home at even worse rates in these economic times than before when it was half of all graduating seniors. Lastly, have the job in place before graduation. Recently, the young man I mentored was job hunting when his work hours were cut back. I will often fill out his job applications as I have great handwriting and his is a bit challenging to read. On that first page it asks for four employers, past and present. Can your adult child list four employers? Mine had three by their first year of college because I required them to work in high school. They also had letters of recommendation from their former employers. Does yours? By the second year in college, they had to be working in the field they wanted to get a job in. Adam had worked two years for his uncle. They liked him and he liked them. He has avoided the failure to launch because we made sure he would launch.
If you are like the lady we saw at the graduation, this is what you do. First, find out what career they want to work in. If they don’t know, many community colleges have non-credit classes that last a few weeks on exploring careers. I’ve used Strength Finers 2.0 by Tom Rath, an apptitude test/book with success, also. Then get them into paid or volunteer work in that area. Suggest people in that area you know and in most cases, make the phone call and the introduction to your young adult and your network contact. I’m shocked by how few parents are willing to put in the time to mentor their young adults into the work world in this way. Most prefer to complain and do nothing constructive but pay out money. This isn’t healthy for either the parent or adult child. Get involved at a mentor/coach level. Finally, put out a time line of when they should be working or in classes. Don’t let them fall into patterns of leisure as it is like quick sand and sucks out their ambition. Remind them of the time line and assist them if they aren’t filling out that application or achieving the next step. I can always tell how frightened a young person is by how long they procrastinate. After a reasonable time, I suggest that we do the job or college application together. Sometimes, I merely have to sit by offering quiet support while they do it. Young adults need a lot of support going into the world. If you leave them to it, they don’t succeed or succeed about ten years down the line if at all. Our role as parents is sorely needed for emotional support. This means no criticism, no judgments, no nagging, just quiet and pleasant presence and help.
Once they are in the internship or job or class, it is good to have ongoing conversations about where they see this going. What is the next few steps in six months or a year? This is a conversation, not an interrogation. I hear so many parent clients tell me they don’t know what their child plans to do and that is a failure in parenting. Some plan is better than drifting. Most likely the plan will change and that is fine. Having a plan gives structure and focus to interests in careers. Both of my sons switched colleges midway. It gave us an opportunity to talk about what worked for them and what didn’t. Life after graduation, whether it is college or high school, or even if they have dropped out needs some structure and planning. Help your adult child and let them know you are still a role model that they can follow.
Tags: adult children boomerang, adult children living at home
